Relationship Trauma: Not “Just a Break-Up”
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s important for those of you who have experienced betrayal, infidelity and/or the sudden break-up to know that this can be an especially triggering time as you are being bombarded with all things related to romance and relationships.
Aside from the usual feelings of loneliness, sadness and grief that can arise, you might find yourself feeling emotionally numb, anxious and even struggle with feelings of hopelessness, certain that you will never ever heal and/or recover from your experiences.
In my 12 years as a licensed professional counselor, I have helped many clients through their experiences of betrayal, infidelity and/or sudden, unexpected endings of a relationship. While each case has differed in terms of the length of time of the relationship, age of the person and circumstances that led to the betrayal, infidelity and/or break-up, what they often had in common was the way that these experiences left people in a state of utter shock, confusion and despair. Moreover, clients who reported having experienced any of these types of distressing relationship experiences, oftentimes struggled with symptoms that met the criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, including: emotional distress when thinking and/or talking about the experience, feeling emotionally numb or detached, difficulty concentrating, distorted beliefs about themselves and feelings of guilt, shame and fear [1]. In short, they were often left deeply emotionally affected and traumatized by the breaking of the trust placed in their partners as well as severed attachments to them.
Unfortunately, too often, people tend to minimize the impact of their betrayal, infidelity and/or unexpected break-up experiences, all while suffering the very painful emotional distress that results from being blind-sided by the very person you believed that you could trust to honor and respect their commitment to you alone and to maintain the relationship that they once chose to enter into with you. What this means is that I often found myself having to gently explain to my clients that what they had experienced not, in fact, “just someone’s bad mistake and/or a simple break-up,” but a significant, traumatic event in their lives. To those of you who are now reading this I say the same and add that I can only imagine how your world must, at this moment, feel like it has been turned upside down. That’s because, much like any other traumatic event, these experiences directly impact our sense of safety, stability, control and predictability in our environments [2].
As a certified EMDR therapist, I have witnessed how people can overcome their relationship trauma through EMDR therapy and you can too. EMDR therapy helps to address relationship trauma by offering you the opportunity to recall and re-process the most distressing parts of their relationship trauma while you engage in bi-lateral stimulation (i.e. using eye movements and/or tapping), which allows you to integrate their experiences in healthier and more adaptive ways. EMDR Intensives, where you can work with a therapist for several hours per day, can offer you the opportunity to complete focused re-processing and can reduce the associated distress of relationship trauma in a shorter timeframe compared to traditional weekly sessions. Free from the impact of relationship trauma, you can regain your desire and ability to trust and connect with others and, eventually, move forward with your life and feel confident about entering into a relationship in the future.
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.)
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57.) Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma.
Written by our Cor Sacrum Independent Clinician and EMDR certified therapist, Sonia Mijares, LPC-S.
Learn more about Sonia here!
Do have experience with betrayal, infidelity and/or a break-up? Let Sonia walk with you on your healing journey. Schedule your session today!
